Urban Mixer Weekly : December 18th, 2006
Week of December 18th - December 24th, 2006
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Here’s your ho-ho-homeboy Raj with this week’s calendar!
A visit from Urban Mixer
T’was the night before Christmas,
And all through downtown
Not a sous-chef was stirring, and the rain coming down;
The stockings were worn with high heels up to there,
In hopes that some baller would say, Oh hi there!
The virgins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While hopes of debauchery danced in OUR heads.
And Raj in his turban, and you in your toque
Had paced the wassailing; no reason to puke!
When upon the patio such a banging and smashing,
We all left the bar to watch Lilo a-crashing.
Away from the wreckage she flew with snatch-flash,
Tore into the Heather and threw up on the mash.
The moon and the breasts of the down-fallen star
Gave new meaning to “special effects” hardy-har.
When what to our jaded young eyes should appear,
But tiny Nicole Richie, Paris and Britney Spears.
With a little old chauffeur, so wasted a gimp
Raj said, Don’t I know you; it’s Keith Richards, you simp!
Faster than pornstars the groupies they came,
But with all that drug use he don’t know his own name!
“Urban Mixers! Now listen!” said Rajesh the sober
“If you don’t straighten up your fifteen minutes is over!
From FigMint way uptown to Chill Winston below
We’ve got a rep to maintain, so lay off all the blow!”
As visions that after three Hurricanes fly,
When they meet with a breathalyzer, sober up bye and bye,
So up to olde Yaletown the Urban Mixers fled,
Working on their hangovers; don’t envy their heads.
And then, on Pacific, we heard jingle bells
It was really terrific, all those green, singing elves.
As we stumbled to Davie and rolled drunk up the street
The rain came down on us and turned into sleet.
Raj sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’ve been bad or good and if you’re planning to be bad you should give me a call! Anyway, all that spying doesn’t leave me time to keep up on every fabulous festivity in Vancouver and Calgary; I need my elves, baby, and I’ll never make you wear those stupid pointy hats. If you’ve spied an event or venue that deserves to be on Raj’s list, email me HERE [raj@urbanmixer.com] and if you’re the first, I’ll put a beautiful Urban Mixer tee in your stocking.
Add Friends
Ever try to get a sleigh off the ground with ONE tiny reindeer? Didn’t think so. Ever try to get a party off the ground with ONE tiny party-goer? It’s even harder, trust me. Harness the whole crew by clicking spreading the word and inviting all your friends to join the patented insanity that is the Urban Mixer. Or use the patented “Invite” button on each event’s unique web page.
How to access the calendar
Click on one of the following links below which are laid out for you like a carefully-wrapped Red Ryder BB gun under the tree. Careful: don’t put your eye out!
Raj was dressed all in fur, from his micro to meta,
But don’t you all worry; he got it from PETA.
A big cocktail shaker he had in his hand,
And his iPod played Gwar, everyone’s favorite band!
His posse — how they glittered! Urban Mixers so merry!
The girls glowed like roses, and the guys like Don Cherry!
Their horse-blankety jackets were rentals for sure,
And as for ruffled shirts, please god find us a cure!
Ginger Sixty-Two opened for us and gave relief,
For Britney had followed us and let off a queef.
She had a broad grin but a flat little belly
That cost her eight grand; we’d seen it all on the telly.
We were friendly and warm, a real happening crowd,
And not one mentioned KFed or Fed-Ex aloud!
Raj winked his eye, twisted on the dance floor,
And the crowd went quite wild, howling for more;
He spoke not to Britney, Urban Mixer’s his work,
And he chatted them all up, while dancing the jerk.
And laying his finger upon Britney’s lips,
He said, Listen missy, enough with nip slips!
And here are some panties all laundered and clean,
Why don’t you try some, join the classier team!
And the crowd cheered right loudly, to starlets gave wolf-whistles,
And we all took off like the fastest of missiles.
But we heard Brit exclaim, ere she danced out of sight,
“Merry Christmas, y’all, you done lectured me right!”
Raj Taneja
A right jolly old elf, yew becha!
phone: (800) 688-1868 x 911
raj@urbanmixer.com
www.urbanmixer.com
… the cure for the common social life
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